A neurotic almost thirty country girl from Indiana that loves her nephews, works hard and rambles about nothing. A lot.
Dear sweet, innocent Pinterest users… you’re now under my verbal attack. I found a few little nuggets to laugh at today, so I thought I’d share.
The caption under this picture was “Baked Banana Chips! Toddlers love ‘em”. No… no, they don’t. You know what toddlers love? Candy, and lots of it. Don’t waste your time making this crap, just buy a bag of Twizzlers, they have zero fat and keep them chewing so there’s less crying. Terrible twos=solved.
Some days I wonder what kind of weirdos I’ve randomly followed on Pinterest. Or, what what my friends are drinking when they’re pinning some of the stupidest shit I’ve seen. Today’s installment will feature poo, stupid shoes, weirdo Photoshopping and more. Intrigued, aren’t ya?!
We begin with this random, extremely fugly shoe. I reckon if you want to break your neck quickly or scare any single fellas away, this is the way to go. I don’t understand why my fellow women think they need to torture themselves! These aren’t even freakin’ cute!
And yes, I really did do this myself… Took my entire lunch hour at work, but it was SO worth it. 
(Edit: This is now “Almost Wordless Wednesday.)
I used to be one of those girls that could jump in the shower, do her hair and get out of the house.
I’ve never worn makeup, so that didn’t slow me down. My dad, the OLW, frowned upon it. He always said I didn’t need it, I was pretty enough. (Keep in mind, he may or may not have been under the influence of cannabis during this conversation. My mother swears he wasn’t, but I’ve seen pictures of myself. He was high.) Needless to say, I’ve worn makeup a handful of times in my life; graduation day, my brother’s wedding, my first date with my first real boyfriend and probably another date I got gussied up for.
To this day, my co-workers complain that I don’t know what it’s like to spend fifteen minutes on makeup that you spend an arm and a leg for. And they’re right, I don’t. Never have. Until now…
I guess it’s not real makeup… but I’m buying adult acne wash, cream and pad thingies, dark eye circle remover and concealer and some fancy sugar body scrub.
What the hell is happening to me?! My body is failing at the prime age of 29. Instead of living it up, I’m browsing the aisles of Wal-Mart for acne cream. I never had a lot of acne in my teen years, but now I have them popping up everywhere in my old age. What gives?! I wash my dang face! I don’t roll in the dirt, I don’t rub pizza on my face. What more do you want you stupid zits?!
So yea, now instead of just getting up and hopping in the shower I’m doing a 10-point inspection and treatment process. It’s like a dirty old used car that has to be treated before hitting the road. I’m not a prissy girl… really, I’m not. I just don’t want to have giant zits sprouting on my face.
Hmphf. Getting old is a bitch.
A friend emailed me at work today and simply said…
“I bet this cat’s name is Maggie.”
(Photo from LOLCats on Imgur.com that was emailed to me.)
I’d like to comment on this situation… First off, stop naming your animals Maggie. It’s a human name that’s often short for Margaret. I’m so damn tired of hearing about folk’s new pets and when you ask, “Aww… what’s her name?” the say Maggie like they’re so f’**king proud of themselves. You don’t see me naming my cat Josh or Mandy or Andy. That’d be hella stupid.
Secondly, since this is one of my many pet peeves my co-workers like to taunt me. The love it when I get whipped up about something stupid and this is right up their alley. Don’t name your animals human names. My cats are appropriately named Fuzz, Sissy and Koli. See. Nice, normal names.
What the hell ever happened to Spot?
Finally… why the hell would you BET it’d be named Maggie? Because it’s funny looking? Fat? Or fluffy and lovable. I’m voting LOVABLE!
