Those of you following along on my ovary adventure… here’s the update.
Things didn’t turn out the way I wanted, but life goes on. I started having some really sharp pains on Wednesday morning so I called the doctor. They scheduled me to come in for an appointment with the doctor and some bloodwork on Thursday. They did warn me that if the pains got worse or I started bleeding to go to the ER immediately.
Thankfully, things didn’t come to that. The pains subsided later in the day and I went to my appointment Thursday morning. After talking to the doctor, she said it was very possible I was pregnant, but also very possible that I wasn’t. She told me not to get my hopes up until the bloodwork results come back. She promised to call me first thing Friday with the results.
I hopped down the hallway, the whole time praying that things would turn out as I’d wished. The lab tech, who went to school with my brother and knows me from taking my parents in for labs all the time, stuck out her vampire teeth and got one vial for the test.
Thursday I felt amazing… better than I had in weeks! No upset stomach, headaches or tiredness. The day flew by and I tried to keep my high hopes at bay until morning.
The nurse called at 8:15 Friday morning and I could tell by her voice it wasn’t the results I wanted. She said the test was negative and Mary (the doc) said she’s so sorry for you and Randy. Well… there it is. Not pregnant.
I asked her where we go from here and she said we’d wait it out. Most likely I had a cyst or some hormonal change that caused me to miss my cycle. She said I should go back to normal and have a cycle soon. If I don’t, call in January and then we’ll start doing more tests.
I thanked the nurse and hung up, grabbed my purse and keys and walked out of my office. I knew my little breakdown was coming and I prefer NOT to do it in the office so I drove to secluded parking lot and shut off my car.
Between the cold, pouring rain outside and my sobbing, my windows steamed up nicely so if someone did drive by, they wouldn’t know I was inside. I texted my two best friends and my brother, and then called my husband. I sat in that parking lot for almost an hour, sobbing my eyes out. After a few more tears and some deep breaths I went back to the office. (Only because they’d realize soon I had disappeared without telling anyone where I was going and when I’d be back.)
The rest of the day was a blur, but I pushed through. I have the support of my best friends and family so I know I’ll be okay. I’m still mad at myself for letting my hopes get so high. Why on earth did I think I’d finally be pregnant after nine years?
So that’s it… maybe some day I be blessed with a child but until then it’ll be me, my husband and our furbabies. Am I sad? Absolutely. Have I given up hope? Absolutely. Am I mad? Yes.
All that said, I trust that God has a plan for me, even though I can’t see it right now.