Tales from my Ovaries: Game Over

Those of you following along on my ovary adventure… here’s the update.

Things didn’t turn out the way I wanted, but life goes on. I started having some really sharp pains on Wednesday morning so I called the doctor. They scheduled me to come in for an appointment with the doctor and some bloodwork on Thursday. They did warn me that if the pains got worse or I started bleeding to go to the ER immediately.

Thankfully, things didn’t come to that. The pains subsided later in the day and I went to my appointment Thursday morning. After talking to the doctor, she said it was very possible I was pregnant, but also very possible that I wasn’t. She told me not to get my hopes up until the bloodwork results come back. She promised to call me first thing Friday with the results.

I hopped down the hallway, the whole time praying that things would turn out as I’d wished. The lab tech, who went to school with my brother and knows me from taking my parents in for labs all the time, stuck out her vampire teeth and got one vial for the test.

Thursday I felt amazing… better than I had in weeks! No upset stomach, headaches or tiredness. The day flew by and I tried to keep my high hopes at bay until morning.

The nurse called at 8:15 Friday morning and I could tell by her voice it wasn’t the results I wanted. She said the test was negative and Mary (the doc) said she’s so sorry for you and Randy. Well… there it is. Not pregnant.

I asked her where we go from here and she said we’d wait it out. Most likely I had a cyst or some hormonal change that caused me to miss my cycle. She said I should go back to normal and have a cycle soon. If I don’t, call in January and then we’ll start doing more tests.

I thanked the nurse and hung up, grabbed my purse and keys and walked out of my office. I knew my little breakdown was coming and I prefer NOT to do it in the office so I drove to secluded parking lot and shut off my car.

Between the cold, pouring rain outside and my sobbing, my windows steamed up nicely so if someone did drive by, they wouldn’t know I was inside. I texted my two best friends and my brother, and then called my husband. I sat in that parking lot for almost an hour, sobbing my eyes out. After a few more tears and some deep breaths I went back to the office. (Only because they’d realize soon I had disappeared without telling anyone where I was going and when I’d be back.)

The rest of the day was a blur, but I pushed through. I have the support of my best friends and family so I know I’ll be okay. I’m still mad at myself for letting my hopes get so high. Why on earth did I think I’d finally be pregnant after nine years?

So that’s it… maybe some day I be blessed with a child but until then it’ll be me, my husband and our furbabies. Am I sad? Absolutely. Have I given up hope? Absolutely. Am I mad? Yes.

All that said, I trust that God has a plan for me, even though I can’t see it right now.

Comments

  1. I’m so sorry to hear this. HUGS to you.

  2. My words would seem so small to you at a times like this but you are in my thoughts.

  3. Im so sorry sweetie. Don’t give up hope! My husbands cousin tried for 12 years and finally had twin boys that are now 15 years old! Big (((HUGS))) to you!!!

  4. Becky Grayson says:

    I’m so sorry. I wish I could wrap you in a hug. I hope God’s plan comes through quickly for you.

  5. Juliette Mariano-Carlson says:

    Don’t give up hope. Keep praying and stay positive.

  6. courtney hennagir says:

    i wish i knew what to say that wouldn’t sound so stupid. my heart hurts for you.

  7. Awww….so sorry! God does love you even tho at times like this it’s hard to believe. Remember, we only need the faith of a mustard seed. God’s blessings to you and your husband.

  8. LORI ROYCE says:

    Don’t give up!!! Just keep loving each other and carrying on with life. Sometimes when we leave our worries for a short time, surprising things happen : )

  9. nikki krutz says:

    :( so sorry to hear this! It was 9 years in between my almost 11 and almost 2 year old sons. In between, 2 heartbreaking miscarriages…one at 10 weeks, 1 at 14 weeks (found out it was a boy, saw him alot on the ultrasounds, spent a week in the hospital trying to figure out why i was having problems), and the most recent one in at christmas time in 2009. They did testing on the baby after i lost it. my doctor happened to go on maternity leave shortly after and another nurse called me to tell me that they found nothing wrong with the baby and that it was a girl. my doctor was very unhappy with her because i had been hoping for a girl, a month later it was reliving it all over again. i am telling you all of this because i want you to know that there is hope. i never thought i would get to have another child but i did. god works in mysterious ways! everything happens for a reason! good luck, don’t give up! :)

  10. Martha Norman- Temen says:

    Dont give up! It took us ten yrs bless you

  11. Carrissa Renninger says:

    Reading this made me want to cry, I can only imagine what you might be going through. There is nothing I can say, other than something you have already heard 100 times over. I will say I enjoy reading your blog, at times very funny yet heartbreaking. You seem like a level headed caring woman, and let me tell you the things youve posted that your mom has said. CRACK ME UP! Keep your head up hun, it will all make sense someday (at least I’m hoping for myself and for you)

  12. michelle dement says:

    I am so so sorry! God does have a plan for you whether it be having a child of your or adoption. Adoption is a wonderful choice to make since there are so many children in foster care who remain there until aging out of the system. I myself was a foster child and know first hand what kind of experience that can be and how traumatic. All a child ever wants is to feel loved and you sound as though you are really wanting to be able to give that love to a child :)

  13. So sorry for your news. I know how frustrating it all can be. Don’t give up!

  14. Elle Haines says:

    I hope things work out for you once the doctors run more tests, and I think it’s perfectly understandable that you would have gotten your hopes up after nine years. Keep your chin up and I hope everything works out for you.

  15. sandra davis says:

    my prayers are with you. but please dont lose hope and give up.

  16. This is true as for Sara in the Holy Bible miracles do happen. Thank you. Jerri Davis

  17. Toni Osgood says:

    So sorry to hear of your struggles. I have a bicornuate uterus, so I have had issues ever since I was young.

  18. I am sorry things have not turned out for you. Don’t give up just live one day at a time.

  19. Christina Strapp says:

    I’m so sorry you have been going through this. I have severe Endometriosis and pcos. I lost count of how many doctors told me I will never get pregnant. We tried for a long time and and every month was a disapointment. I decided to have another surgery (my 8th one) to clean as much out as possible to try to increase my chances. I almost died after that surgery because of a severe infection that spread. After I healed from everything, we started trying again. Shortly after that I found out I was pregnant. It was truly a miracle and we were very blessed. I told you all this to never give up hope. So many people told me to stop trying and to give up, but I never could. I will say some prayers for you if that is okay.

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