Strange things happen to me on a daily basis, but yesterday’s event took the cake. If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I had some bathroom issues.
To start this story, let me begin by saying that my dad, the One-Legged Wonder (OLW) has fallen twice in the past month. The first time his incision broke open a bit and we were able to pack the wound and continue his healing at home. The second time, this past Saturday, he fell and cracked it open like a melon. Super gross, I know. If you want to see a picture of the grossness, click here. Otherwise, take my word for it. Cracked open like a melon.
Anywho, the doctor decided Tuesday after his appointment to do surgery again Wednesday afternoon. They need to go into the melon opening and clean out the infection that had started to set in since Saturday that was mostly on the exterior and fix him up again. They admitted the OLW into the hospital and I stayed in a local hotel since the drive home is three hours.
Once I got checked in the motel, things were fine. Dad was resting well and I was watching TV and playing on my laptop. I hit the hay early so that I could make sure I had a good night’s rest for the long day ahead sitting in the surgery waiting room.
I woke up early and hopped in the shower. I had planned ahead by bringing a night shirt, fresh underoos and an outfit for the next day. I remembered my soap, shampoo and medicine. Halfway through my shower I hollered “shit”! I had not only forgotten all of my hair product, I’d left my damn hair brush at home. WTF?! I ended up drying my hair with a towel as much as I could and brushing it with my fingers. I used their craptastic hair dryer to dry it a bit more and said screw it. I’m just sitting at a hospital, I don’t need to look purty.
The OLW’s surgery was scheduled for 1pm and that came and went long before they actually came and got him for pre-op. The ended up taking him back for the surgery around 4:45 and by that point I was starving. I hadn’t ate since around 7am and this fat girl needed some food! A bowl of crappy soup later, I was back in the surgery waiting room.
Some of these people are whack. We had the 5-0 in the waiting room to remove an idiot from a computer. Those three computers are for families of patients waiting and this douche was just hanging out there for the free coffee and computer access. The cop and his K-9 unit escorted him out…
Hilarious right? I was really hoping that guy was going to take off and run… That dog would have ate him alive, it was huge and beautiful!
Finally, to the drama of the day. I’d been guzzling diet dew all day trying to stay awake and focused. It was potty time and I was on a mission. I know where the restrooms are. I’ve been in this damn waiting room way too many times. I turn down the hallway and notice the “Wet Floor” signs out. No biggie, I step around and go in.
My first thought? Man, they remodeled these, they’re so different. Then I went into a stall and popped a squat. As I’m peeing, I look through the crack in the door and see a urinal. Umm, what’s a urinal doing in a women’s bathroom? Bout that time in walk two old guys yapping about the weather and how dang hot it is. OH MY JESUS, I’m in the men’s room!
So I sat there…. frozen. My pee stopped mid-stream and my mouth was just hanging open. I’ve never in my life been so out of it and rushed that I went into the men’s room. What the heck am I supposed to do? I’ve got these two old guys still discussing the weather and I’m scared to death to move. I had no idea it was a wiener only party. Ugh…
Finally, the old farts left and I was able to escape without anyone seeing me. I darted into the women’s restroom and resumed my peeing. So embarrassing… I wonder if either of those guys thought I was some weird man with girlie flip flops on and blue painted toe nails
So that’s the drama… The OLW’s surgery went well. They removed another 2 inches of bone and hooked him up to a wound vac. Things should be good now, but they’re still trying to get his pain under control.